Dang, what a thought-provoking post.

If I'm honest, part of how I parent is shielding my kids from the harshest consequences of their actions, giving them the chance to learn how to be good people through trial and error. The hardest part of parenting is figuring out which consequences to let your children bear.

If you didn't know it, you may be interested to learn that there's a whole scholarship of play, which of course means that someplace they have to define what play actually entails. One thing that's pretty consistently in there is that play is a way of being that allows you to try things out. To explore, to do shit, and to be shielded to some extent from the consequences of action, so that you can learn without being destroyed.

It is illustrative, I think, to examine what happens when people -- not just kids -- are deficient in play. They become ... twisted, stunted. Sometimes sociopathic. Turns out that play really, really, really matters. That so many adults have forgotten how to play is both evident, from looking around, and sobering, given these facts.

Anyway, I don't know when and to what degree your kids should soak in the consequences of their actions, but I know they're lucky to have a dad who wrestles with the question.